A sure fire way to stand out from the crowd and OMG! we leave in 2 days!

Posted: July 17, 2014 in Planning & Preparation, Tips

How’s this for a travel idea whose time will come… Maybe not this century or probably even the next but mark my words…. it will come…

If you have ever travelled to Europe in the summer time – or pretty much anywhere in the world for that matter – you know that the crowds can be pretty insane. There’s nothing fun about losing your entire family in a sweaty horde of tourists clad in more or less identical outfits – Birkenstocks, khakis, maxi dresses, light coloured tops, cheesy hats, tacky t-shirts, fanny packs… It can be tough for even the most eagle-eyed father to pick out his kid or wife in a crowd like that… And what if in, say, the Vatican Museum your beloved progeny – or god forbid, your wife who happens to be carrying the extra cash and your passport – gets swept away in a tide of humanity, never to be seen again… These are no small concerns and many a fine day at the museum has been ruined from of fear of losing your loved ones to a pack of ravenous cruise ship zombies on yet another 3 hr shore excursion. But fear no more, fellow travellers… The You Can’t Lose Me Wiener is here…

Modelled after the SMBs (surface marker buoys) used by divers all over the world to signal the dive boat when you’re ready to be picked up and taken back for happy hour, the YCLM Wiener is every traveller’s answer to the “how can I make sure I don’t lose my kid when he or she’s carrying all the snacks” dilemma that has plagued travellers for aeons.

Enter the YCLM Wiener – It rolls up into a tiny package about the size of an 80’s cell phone, and is equipped with a skookum stainless steel double-ended clip, so you can attach it in an easy to reach spot. The YCLM Weiner takes up hardly any space at all and makes a bold fashion statement with almost any travel outfit – especially when coupled with an insouciant “I’ve got an iPhone in my back pocket” look.

Should your child or loved one find themselves separated from the herd and in danger of being swept away by a predatory tour group, the YCLM Wiener will be there to save the day. All they have to do is unclip their weiner, give a couple of good quick blows to inflate it and before you know it they’ll be waving their erect wiener around around for all to see… I don’t know what things are like in Europe but here in Canada when someone starts waving an erect wiener around in public, people really take notice!

If you’re interested in this game-changing piece of travel technology, it can be yours for the low-low price of $69.95… And for the legal beagles out there, any resemblance to a real Halcyon SMB is purely coincidental…

YCLM Wiener StowedYCLM Wiener Deployed


If you’re still reading at this point, you’re either really, really bored or you’re one of those people who stay in their seat after the movie until the screen finally goes dark…

For today’s serious update: we’re off in two days, the bags are mostly packed (maybe a last minute item or two to toss in) so all that’s really left now is to do the fiddly things – make sure we’ve downloaded a few books to read offline (reading on an iPad or the Macbook Air isn’t nearly as satisfying as reading an actual book but the space and weight savings just can’t be beaten), tweak a couple of playlists for tuning out the crying kids on the airplane, etc.


I think we’re in decent shape packing wise – my pack weighs in at about 22lbs, Caitlin’s is a svelte 21lbs and Marie’s – the heavyweight of the bunch – weighs in at a whopping 27lbs! (she’s carrying the toiletries, shampoo, etc. so hers will get lighter as the trip progresses). That’s the one area where we’re still not sure if we’re doing it right… On each of our trips we’ve brought a pretty stocked kit of toiletries (shampoo, conditioner, etc.), drugs (Cipro, antihistamines, Imodium, cold tabs, Advil, etc.), first aid supplies, etc. It’s not that we think we won’t find those things where we’re going but rather that we don’t want to waste time looking for them while we’re travelling… but it does create a bit of a dilemma because we’ve never (touch wood) really used them. Of course we use the shampoo and whatnot but the antibiotics and cold tabs have been to Thailand and back, to Europe and back, to New York and back and now they’re heading back to Europe again… Yes they’re past their expiry date. Yes that’s bad. But they were expensive. And they’re only past the year of expiry, not the decade. In Marie’s books that’s practically brand new. So we pack these things around with us and they weigh a little bit and they take up a bit of room but we keep thinking we’d rather have them than not have them and have to waste a bunch of time looking for a place that sells them. I think once we’ve done a few more trips we’ll have it all figured out. By then even Marie will have to admit most of the drugs are well past their expiry date.

Okay. That’s it for tonight. It’s 11:20pm and we’ve got a full day of last minute house stuff and getting everything ready for our house sitters – on that note, special kudos to our house-sitter – Deb Lokhorst – who was able to take on an extra two weeks of house sitting and Ladybug babysitting when Keith’s travel plans were curtailed by IBM’s not-entirely-unexpected-but-still-hoped-it-wouldn’t-happen announcement on Monday of a complete freeze on all travel…

  1. Ken D. says:

    Exactly what I was hoping to see this morning!!!! My precious grand daughter waving an erect wiener on the internet just before she leaves for 38 days in Europe. I really think this troupe of vagabonds needs a chaperone.

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